I Don’t Believe in Modern Love

Previously, on A Young American…

To start at the beginning, go here.

Plagued by another dream: I’m in a tall building with people I don’t know and they ask me to try out the new elevators. The first floor is an enormous, empty warehouse. The building overlaps the edge of a cliff that falls into an ocean.

There are no walls in this building, just windows, and the ceiling has to be fifty feet above me, which sparks curiosity as to where the elevators go. I walk on the cold concrete floors and look outside down the road, where I see three tanks trying their best to shoot down planes that move like flies. We’re at War! I think and panic to myself.

No one else seems disturbed. I calm down and walk over to the hall of elevators. This is the only area without glass walls. I push the button a door opens to my right. Inside is a man lying on a hospital bed, staring at me, trying desperately to hold on to his last few breaths, as well as more windows to the war out front. I step inside and push the only button. One of the planes being shot at swings over and picks the elevator up. The man in the hospital bed acts as if nothing is going on, while I scream and run around the confined room I’m in.

The plane swerves in the sky and I get dropped out from the bottom, onto the roof. I stand and peek over the edge. The elevator has returned to the ground floor. There is no way out except a fireman’s pole that sticks up in the center. I hold tightly and make my way back down. When I reached the ground safely, I want to go again, so I approach a different elevator and push the button. No one is inside this one, but there is a small bumper car with Nascar seatbelts in it. I get in and eagerly strap myself up. I wonder how I am supposed to push the button from here, but then the plane comes by and scoops me up regardless.

In the air I fly and feel much safer being strapped down. I drop out of the elevator onto the roof, but something goes wrong. I hit the roof in the car and bounce right off the edge and over the cliff. I hang on for dear life while the car plunges its way into the ocean with me strapped to it. Only a few seconds left of life and the only thoughts running through my head are what should I think about in my last few moments? I fall fast and hard, bracing myself for impact when-

I shook awake, glistening with sweat and breathing heavily. I looked over to see Britney in a peaceful slumber. If I had known that was going to be the last morning I was going to see her golden hair backlit by the sunlight cast on the heart of America I probably would have reveled in it. However, special moments such as that are always exaggerated. I rolled out of bed and propelled myself into the shower. I felt the poke of fresh whiskers as I washed my face. I always thought the five o’clock shadow look was kinda cool, but I was never able to successfully perpetually keep it. When I stepped out Britney stood outside the door. She looked out of it.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” she said in a daze, “Just…had a weird dream.” She brushed past me, shutting the door ever so gently. I would have worried had I not immediately heard Mary Jane’s Last Dance in full force bleed through the door. After all, I was no stranger to odd dreams. I was watching the lunchtime news and in the middle of an enormous bowl of Cheerios when she came out of the bedroom and plopped herself right on my lap, like some sort of cat. “Hi.” I said, leaking a bit of milk down my chin.

“I love you.” She kissed me.

“Um…well…I love you, too.” She filled her smile with freshly brushed teeth and giggled, kissing my cheek again. She kept kissing till she found my lips. This must be how blind people do it. She pried my mouth open with hers and slid her tongue in, reaching her hand down my chest and pulling up my shirt. I let her take it off me, and then she started to rub the outside of my pants while straddling my leg.

I reached around and pulled her closer, sliding my hands up her shirt and pinching her nipples. She moaned softly inside my mouth, unbuttoning my pants, and tightly grabbing my cock.  She kissed her way down my chest. Every time a woman did that I hoped they didn’t get the crazy idea of biting or playing with my nipples. Janis did that once, and it was terrible. “I saw it in this movie I watched!” she explained while I was getting dressed.

“Oh, yeah? Well I hope it was a porno so you can pop it in after I leave.” Speaking of, my phone rang with that eerie perfect timing and when I looked I saw Janis’ name. I ignored it as Britney began to unbutton my belt. My dick sprang out of my pants and she wrapped her little hands around it. The phone rang again and once more the name read Janis. Something struck me as odd, seeing as she had never been one to be pushy. Britney saw me staring at the phone, perplexed, and I’m sure she felt my hardness subside. “Hold on.” I said, and answered. Britney scoffed; something I couldn’t really blame her for.


“Logan! Can you come over?”

I looked down at Britney, who was drumming her fingers on the chair in cartoon-like frustration. “Um…I don’t think so, Jan.”

Her voice quivered in a way that made me think of Scream, “But…I think your aunt’s outside.” Goddamn it.

“Okay. I’m on my way. Don’t open the door.” I hung up and stood, zipping my pants.

“Where are you going?”

“A friend’s in trouble. I need the car.”

“I have to go to work in an hour.”

“Anna can’t give you a ride?”

“I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me what this is about first?”

I sighed, “I don’t really have time.” And pulled my phone out.

“Who are you calling?”

“Enterprise. I’ll rent a car.”

“What! Logan you don’t-“

“Britney, this is important!” It may have been the first time she saw me actually angry, so her next response was as understandable as her first one. She snatched the phone from my hands and looked at my call log. Her eyes floated up to me.

“For Janis? Isn’t that the girl you dated before me?” Never had I wished for a lock on my phone other than that moment.

“Dated’s a strong word.”


“I don’t have time for this, Britney!”

“Well you better make time!” She held the phone in a way that made me think she was getting ready to throw it against the wall.

“It’s my aunt, all right!”


“I have money, okay.” Her arms dropped. “A lot of it.” A look of despair came over her face, and it was clear that I hadn’t given her the response she had expected.


“My parents died when I was in high school. Everything they had, from this house to a couple time-shares to life insurance became mine. I sold most of the property and I’ve got enough to last me 20 years if I play my cards right.” Her blank stare combined with her continued silence aggravated me. “Come on. You didn’t think it was weird you never met them?”

“How could you keep something like that from me?”

“Hey, it’s not like I lied. And you think I want to go around telling people about all my inheritance? I hate how people look at trust fund babies, let alone a guy living off his parents’ literal blood money. I had to go to trial to get this shit because of that fucking cunt of an Aunt who terrorized the shit out of Janis while we were together! I was barely 18; so don’t give me looks like I hurt you in some way. I was protecting myself.”

“What else don’t I know? What else do you not love me enough to tell me!”

“It’s not about that!”

“Isn’t it!” Her voice cracked and tears flowed down her cheeks, penetrating the collar of the Police shirt I handed down to her after it had gotten too tight on me. I hung my head.

“I wanted to, but when I met you I realized that you were the first person who didn’t know, and I liked the blissful ignorance we had about my past. Everyone looks at me with fucking pity in their eyes. You didn’t have that. All I saw when I looked in yours was a sky blue ‘I can see clearly since there was never any rain’.  I may have made the wrong decision, but can you really blame me for it?” She dropped the phone.

“I have to go.” She wiped her face and I heard the grasp of the keys on the counter before a door swung open and shut, with barely a beat between. I wanted to go after her, but Janis wouldn’t leave the forefront. My aunt was psychotic and not someone to put on the back burner. I picked up the phone and dialed Enterprise. Thirty minutes later a little red Corvette pulled up outside my door.

We made a brief stop where I slid my blood-filled card and signed away, denying the receipt. I hopped in and made my way toward Janis’ just in time for the sunset. I thought about keeping the car for a few days and treating Britney to an apologetic weekend getaway. After all, how could she stay mad at her boyfriend for finding out he’s rich?

Janis lived out in the country, which was good news considering the level of attention my aunt liked to draw. The sun was in the latter half of the sky by the time I turned onto Janis’ gravel road. My aunt’s white 90’s Intrepid was parked poorly outside her house and she was standing at the door, arms folded and looking around, probably feeling embarrassed that the neighbors, what few there were, would think she’s anything but welcome. I pulled up behind her car and stepped out. “Can I help you?”

Her upper lip bulged from the buckteeth pressing against it and her jet-black hair was tied in a tight ponytail. “Nice car.” She sneered.

“Thanks. Just got it; figure I’ll do a few donuts in it before putting a brick on the pedal and driving it into the lake. You know me, always wanting a spectacle.”

“You owe me, Logan.”

“Oh, Jesus here we go. How many divorces left you begging mom for a place to stay? It might have been all right if you weren’t such a God awful guest. Remember that time you shut the power off in my room because I took one of my blankets? Or the time you tried to seduce my Dad while Mom was working overnight?”

“She was still my sister.”

“And she was my mother!” I shouted. “You didn’t get anything because you already took so much from us. You cashed your death checks too early.”

“You greedy little brat.” She seethed, fists clenching.

“Leave Janis alone. I won’t tell you a third time.”

“Or what?” Just then those lovely red, with and blue lights reflected in the windows as an officer pulled up behind me.

“Is there a problem here, guys?” She asked, stepping out of the car.

I smirked, “I don’t know. What do you think, auntie Nancy?” She remained silent and the officer stepped between us.

“Okay, you’ve had your standoff. Both of you get moving.” I could smell the small town cop’s excitement at a possible scuffle. Nancy began to walk away. As she passed by me she said, “It wasn’t an attempted seduction.” I couldn’t help myself. I spun around and grabbed her ponytail; yanking it so hard she fell backward. The eager officer put me in a hold and threw me on the ground. Nancy jerked to her feet.

“I want him arrested!” Apparently they were both on the same page, because the lady was in the middle of cuffing me already. She pulled me to my feet and threw me in the back of the car. My aunt’s donkey-sized teeth were exposed as she grinned and watched me get taken away.

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